In episode 212 of THE NARCISSISTS' CODE I talk about what it's like BEING SICK AROUND A NARCISSIST. HOW DO TOXIC PEOPLE BEHAVE WHEN THEY ARE SICK WITH YOU AROUND.
This episode I go into detail how a narcissist treats you when you are sick and how a narcissist will tend to behave when they are the one's that is sick.
Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware #narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( #NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the #Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
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What is going on beautiful people welcome to another episode of the narcissist code, episode 212., wow, 212, episodes of this y'all.
What are we doing? Um, my name is, uh, lee, hammack, I'm known as mental illness across social media platforms.
And you know, I use my platform to raise awareness for npd, get more people into therapy and validate the victims and survivors of this disorder as well.
Episode is going to be about sickness being sick with a narcissist, uh, you being sick, and then the narcissist being sick.
So a lot of times you see when like this is how it is, and typically it used to be in my household.
And I know a lot of people can attest to this as well of this going on in their houses as well is when the narcissist gets sick.
They we I use day and week interchangeably we we need unconditional treatment, you know, and this is that's, not a mad thing.
Narcissists want to be the center of attention.
So when we are sick, it's, always, we need the attention sickness, sometimes nurses will fake being sick to get attention.
Sometimes will fake injuries will fake being sick with fake being hurt to get attention.
But when a narcissistic person is really sick, we they all need attention want sympathy from the person that that they we are with one, um complete compassion from the person that we are with.
And we expect it if we don't get it, it will be held against you later on.
I promise you, if you are not 100 there for their narcissist in your life, when they are sick, they will hold to hold a grudge against.
You pretty much forever for the rest of your existence for the rest of your time together in this relationship, it will be weaponized against you.
You remember time I had especially right now with, you know, with cv 19 going around you people like, you know what you remember I had cv19.
And you didn't take care of me.
You left me at home by myself, you actually went to work.
You actually put the work above me.
You guys put the kids above me like nothing before nothing before the narcissist in your life.
You don't get to go to work.
You don't get to go to school.
You don't get to study for a test nothing like literally you have to drive.
You need to drop everything to take care of that narcissistic person to be there for that narcissistic person.
This is for most nurses.
I know, everybody's going to be different.
Some narcissists don't want any kind of sympathy, or I don't want you to be there for them at all just leave me alone when I'm sick type stuff, but a lot of them want that complete and utter attention on them.
Not only not only when they're sick like when they hurt like, I break my arm.
Ah, my arm, bro.
I can't do anything around the house.
You need to be here for me and take care of me it's like this is like unconditionally, like you need to stop working.
You need to stop if you're a student.
You need to stop going to school.
If you uh to have kids, you just take care of the kids you need to don't stop taking your kids, but you need to take care of the kids.
In addition to this big baby, you have here as well.
Man, woman, non-binary person, it's kind of irrelevant.
I know a lot of people gonna say, well, all men act like that when you're sick.
But this is about women and female narcissistic people as well.
So it's, just not a man thing, y'all, uh, but they expect complete.
Oh we need.
We need help.
Hey, I'm, sick that type of stuff right there.
You know me.
But the exact opposite exists on the other end of the spectrum when you get sick, if you need help, if you need somebody to take care of you, you get to withdraw from that narcissistic person you get you.
You see the lack of empathy or sometimes you're dealing with a sociopath or a psychopath, uh, that's, an anti-social person.
You get to know, empathy that's when the lack of empathy kicks in because narcissistic people do not care.
They expect you to get off.
They expect you to continue continue about your daily tasks.
Like if nothing is going on with you, like you can literally have the same exact ailment that they had literally the same exact thing could be going on within your life that was happening in the narcissistic person's life.
And it would not be even treatment.
But you bet you if you deal with a narcissist, you know, nothing is going to be equal treatment.
Anyway, you know, you're dealing with a narcissist.
And if you know you're dealing with a narcissist, you know, there's not going to be any kind of equality in the relationship you're, not going to get out of it.
Would you bit into it? Somebody who described it the other day as an investment like if you are investing in in a narcissist, you will never get the return on your investment.
So if you're a money manager, you smart with money, you're small without investing items and things like that.
You invest a lot of time effort energy finances into a narcissist.
You will never get your roi will be negative because you'll, not you will not get in what you put you will not get out what you put in.
I promise you.
So if you're if you get sick, if you get sick around that narcissist, you need them to take care of you.
They wouldn't disconnect from you a lot of times like I've talked to people who have had terminal, you know, terminal cancer and things of that nature and narcissists will discard you.
They will discard you.
They will not.
They will the lack of lack of empathy to know, empathy.
But with darker dark people on a darker triad kicks in, and they will completely get rid of you.
They will leave you in your time of the time that you need them.
The most they will need you.
But if they like, I said, the shoes on the other foot, they would expect you to be there unconditionally.
And you will a lot of times because you are a lot of times, not not all the time.
But a lot of times if you deal with a narcissist, you might have some codependency.
You might be an impact or whatever the term for today is nowadays.
You might be, you know on that spectrum, right there and you're going to be there for them because you're a caring person, whereas they will not be there for you.
They would discard you a lot of times.
I mean, I was uh rest in peace.
Uh, april rammers.
Her story was powerful to me because she had terminal breast cancer and her her husband, literally left her instead of fighting begging and pleading to get him back.
She fought begged and plead pleaded in court and got custody.
Her daughter and left her daughter to somebody else other than her husband.
So, shout out april romers in peace.
You know, me because she's one of my friends, if I did a one-on-one with over zoom, and you know, she passed away back in like september.
So you know, she's still on my mind, no, um.
But yeah, that happened right there like when you get sick like terminal some kind of terminal illness, they will act like first of all.
If they don't discard you, they will act like they will minimize your sickness.
They will make it seem like you're, not as sick.
As, you think you are, like you have terminal cancer.
Oh is it really terminal people live like they gave you what six months to live I'm sure.
You have 16.
You have 60 more years.
To live like doctor is not right.
You know with the technology or whatever and they'll minimize your sickness.
They have to disconnect from you they'll minimize it and make it seem like you're, not going through what you're going through.
And then put you, you know, put you down put you out it still expects you to do all the stuff that you normally do no sympathy.
No empathy, just like completely disconnect from you.
Sometimes they will expect you to continue about your path continue living life like nothing is going on like you're, not sick like you're, not, you know slowly passing away or something like that, or you might you mean, you might get well here or sooner, or later, but like they still treat you like you need to be well? Right now just right there in that moment, and you know, I know, I know a lot of people are gonna here to see this video and hear this podcast I'm like yup that sounds like this sound like him.
Yup that sounds just like my wife, yep, that's, not just like my brother or my sister or my dad, or my mom, whatever because this is not just like intimate relationship.
This can be your family member.
This could be your dad.
When you when you get sick, your dad just get disconnects from you you.
You ain't that bad off you sick.
And you like you can't even walk.
Yeah, both your legs broken.
They expect you to still do your house chores or something like that, or they don't care.
They don't take you to doctors appointments and things like that, or they leave you at doctor's appointments for hours on end like they pick you up at three they'll, leave you there to seven or six.
So if not man, I can get you at all, you might have to uber home or get your cab home, because they forgot about you or they don't care to come get you or they're out, uh, you know, doing infidelities and teething and stuff like that.
So people disconnect from you narcissistic people.
Toxic people will disconnect from you when you get sick.
So expect like if you're dealing with a narcissist expect to take care of yourself, you have to like I'm, just telling you don't expect too much from that person don't people.
How do you deal with if we can't leave don't expect too much from that person? You just can't you can't, if you expect too much from the person that person will just withdraw from you disconnect from you and discard you a lot of times, get rid of you break up with you while you're, sick break up with you while you're, you know, you might, you know, break up with you while you're in, you know, intensive care or something like that don't come to your surgery or something like that.
You know, they literally disconnect from you and make it make it about them or or here's, the kicker, compare and contrast your illnesses.
So if y'all happen to get the same type of illness, both of y'all get the flu.
They want to make it seem like they survived the flu better than you did your flu is not as severe as their flu.
You know, me put your put your flu down and things of that nature, it's.
Compare and contrast, it's competition like everything.
It seems like it's competition with narcissistic people.
Because typically it is typically they want to one-up you even in illness, you know, and sometimes you know, I know you get married to a narcissistic person, it's still death.
The part no it's, not too bad for you part.
Still sickness does your partner sometimes until something something comes in between you sometimes when they have to get more energy to you is when into energy does you hard? You may because you get sick, you don't have enough energy.
Oh, you don't have enough energy to apply for me or to consider you selfish because you're doing more stuff for yourself because you're trying to eat healthier.
So that means they might have to eat healthier, because you do the grocery shopping and things like that.
You know, yeah, I gotta eat all this mess because you got because you made the decision to get sick, because you don't eat good that's.
Not my fault.
You see it right? Right? There, it's complete disconnect.
So if you're with a narcissistic person that you can't leave, but you don't want to leave, you know, when you get sick, you have to explain more from yourself.
You have to, you know, you might be tired.
You might be exhausted.
You might not be able to do it, but do not fully try to depend on that person because you know you can't, I know this tough disabled, a lot of people to hear.
They don't want to hear that.
But like literally, you know, it's the truth, though, you know, you cannot fully depend on that narcissistic person because they will disconnect from you.
They will discard.
You and they will get rid of you for getting sick point blame here in the store, I know that sucks, I know, it's hard to hear, but you have to take more care.
You have to take care of yourself when you get sick with a narcissist or get your family members to come over there, get your friends come help you out, and which which if you deal with a narcissist, you know, a lot of times they will keep your family members and friends away from the house like they'll.
You they'll need to be over here.
Your mom don't need to be over here.
Your friends don't need to be over here.
Your cousins, don't get to be over here.
Nobody needs to be over here.
I got you and you know, they don't got you, you know, they don't point blade period in the store.
Yeah, but the yellow light is popping up on my camera again.
So I keep looking up here in the corner right there.
Your layout yellow light is because I found my camera's about to go there.
So take care of yourself, be safe, mental illnesses out.
The narcissist will start discounting doctors, minimizing the effects of the illness, and parading others around with similar illnesses in an effort to shame their spouse into believing that the sickness is only a mental manifestation of the spouses weakness. This is like pouring salt onto an open wound.Can being around a narcissist make you sick? ›
Life with a narcissist can be extremely stressful, leading to depression or anxiety. It can also make you physically sick. You may feel it in the pit of your stomach. This isn't surprising, as stress and dismay are often coupled with a gut disturbance.What happens when you go cold on a narcissist? ›
If you ignore a narcissist and deny them their source, they may become enraged and try even harder for your attention – especially in ways that can be toxic or abusive. Ignoring a narcissist will enrage them because of their fragile egos. They'll feel humiliated and lash out against you to protect themselves.What happens when you treat a narcissist the way they treat you? ›
Calling out the narcissist really has no benefit. They won't start to acknowledge their wrongs and make efforts to change. By calling them out, you just open yourself up to more abuse from the narcissist. This might be hard to hear because this means you are left with no way to be heard for how you are being treated.What hurts a narcissist? ›
Narcissists are hurt by challenges or threats to their superior and grandiose self-image (also known as narcissistic injury). Their sense of entitlement and lack of empathy means they will attempt to destroy the culprit by any means necessary.What does a narcissist do to another person? ›
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.How does gaslighting affect narcissistic victim syndrome? ›
The emotional damage of Gaslighting is huge on the narcissistic victim. When they are exposed to it for long enough, they begin to lose their sense of their own self. Unable to trust their own judgments, they start to question the reality of everything in their life.What are the effects of being around a narcissist? ›
Living or working with a narcissistic person can be incredibly challenging, often leading to feelings of inadequacy, self doubt, and anxiety. In more extreme cases, exposure to a narcissist can lead to clinical depression from the emotional abuse and torment a person has had to endure.What is a narcissistic collapse? ›
Narcissistic collapse occurs when a narcissist's ability to uphold their grandiose, confident image is threatened. As a result, they often become enraged, resulting in impulsivity, intense lashing out, or harm to others.What words not to say to a narcissist? ›
- Don't say, "It's not about you." ...
- Don't say, "You're not listening." ...
- Don't say, "Ina Garten did not get her lasagna recipe from you." ...
- Don't say, "Do you think it might be your fault?" ...
- Don't say, "You're being a bully." ...
- Don't say, "Stop playing the victim."
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
MD. While being the target of narcissistic abuse is stressful and hurtful, many narcissists are unaware of how their actions impact others. If they are aware that others feel negatively about them or about their choices, they often lack the ability to take responsibility for their actions or see them as wrong.Does anything scare a narcissist? ›
Narcissists are frightened, fragile people.
Rejection, humiliation, and even the tiniest of defeats can shake them to their core. This leaves narcissists wholly focused on their image.
"You're a bad person." "Nobody else will ever love you." "I'm the best you'll ever have." "Have fun being alone for the rest of your life."What can destroy a narcissist? ›
- 1 Ignore their forms of manipulation.
- 2 Flaunt how happy you are without them.
- 3 Set boundaries to protect yourself.
- 4 Deny them what they want.
- 5 Stay calm when they try to upset you.
- 6 Cut off all contact with them if you can.
- 7 Be leery of future love bombing.
Don't take the bait yourself
Essentially, they are trying to get the maximum response out of you they can. Greenberg said that by ignoring the insult, you can often avoid the pointless fight. If you rise to it, things are likely to escalate, and you're giving the narcissist exactly what they want — your pain.
- Tactic #1. Know your enemy. ...
- Tactic #2. Call them out on their “bs” ...
- Tactic #3. Tell them, “No” ...
- Tactic #4. Hit them with new boundaries. ...
- Tactic #5. Hold them accountable. ...
- Tactic #6. Set consequences. ...
- Tactic #7. Hit them with facts and evidence. ...
- Tactic #8. Shift the spotlight onto yourself.
According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.Do narcissists end up alone? ›
Narcissists Will Eventually End Up Friendless and Unpopular, Study Confirms.Does a narcissist ever care about anyone? ›
“As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey. Instead, narcissists will only have people in their lives that benefit them; they are very selfish people. “They are number one in their lives.
- First, make sure it's gaslighting. ...
- Take some space from the situation. ...
- Collect evidence. ...
- Speak up about the behavior. ...
- Remain confident in your version of events. ...
- Focus on self-care. ...
- Involve others. ...
- Seek professional support.
Long-term abuse can change a victim's brain, resulting in cognitive decline and memory loss. In turn, the changes in the brain can increase the risk for chronic stress, PTSD, and symptoms of self-sabotage.What are the three things narcissists do? ›
In general, a narcissist has an outsized need to be admired, a sense of entitlement, and constant thoughts about being better than others, whether that means being more successful or more loved.What it's like arguing with a narcissist? ›
Arguing with a narcissist can be extremely difficult — people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) feel very little empathy for others and are often manipulative. They may use tactics like turning the blame on you, gaslighting you, and resorting to disrespectful behavor.How do you tell if you are a victim of a narcissist? ›
- Always Walking On Egg Shells. As a human, you tend to avoid things that remind you of terrible things in the past. ...
- Sense of Mistrust. ...
- Self-Isolation. ...
- Loss of Self Worth. ...
- Feeling Lonely. ...
- Freezing Up. ...
- Trouble Making Decisions.
More often, narcissistic rage is an intense emotional response accompanied by hurtful comments and actions. On the outside, it may look like someone's out of control or they're out to “get you.” On the inside, they may feel intense pain and vulnerability and a significant need to regain control.What triggers a narcissistic rage? ›
Narcissistic rage can be triggered by various situations, such as criticism, perceived rejection, or being ignored. The reaction is often extreme and disproportionate to the event or comment, as the narcissist's fragile ego struggles to cope with the perceived attack on their self-image.What does narcissistic rage look like? ›
Examples of narcissistic rage range from intense outbursts and sudden fits of anger, to passive-aggressive acts such as simmering resentment, icy silence, deliberate neglect, or cutting sarcasm.What is the best way to react to a narcissist? ›
- Be assertive. Know that you deserve respect and stay firm in that belief. ...
- Stay calm. Try not to react or become aggressive, even if the narcissist does.
- Strategy. ...
- Boundaries. ...
- Consequences. ...
- Educate yourself on NPD. ...
- Separate the behavior from the person. ...
- It's not your fault.
- Don't give them your attention.
- Starve them of empathy.
- Show strength and confidence.
- Ignore them.
- Set and enforce boundaries.
- Say no.
- Challenge them.
- Hold them accountable.
- Ignore them.
- Offer constructive criticism.
- Set and enforce your boundaries.
- Call them out in public.
- Compare them negatively to others.
- Show up late.
- Stay calm when they try to rile you up.
- Bring up hard facts.
There are many words people high in narcissism don't want to hear, but perhaps the worst involve a “no,” as in “No, you can't," "No, you're wrong," or — even worse — “No, I won't.” This makes it difficult to go about your ordinary business with the people in your life who don't understand the give-and-take of normal ...What is the 1 word a narcissist absolutely Cannot stand? ›
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".What are the 5 main habits of a narcissist? ›
- Inflated Ego. Those who suffer from narcissism usually seem themselves as superior to others. ...
- Lack of Empathy. ...
- Need for Attention. ...
- Repressed Insecurities. ...
- Few Boundaries.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.Do narcissist hate strong people? ›
Narcissists hate strong people that are not afraid to set boundaries and let them know their behavior is not acceptable. Since they crave power and control and may use manipulation or other tactics to maintain it.Do narcissists like weak people? ›
A common misconception is that narcissists go for the weak, because they are easier to manipulate. In fact, narcissists prefer to try and hook someone in who is strong-willed, and who has talents or characteristics they admire. That way, they feel more accomplished if they succeed in tearing them down.Does a narcissist care about someone they've hurt? ›
They can know they're hurting your feelings, but as long as it elevates their status, they may not care. Someone living with narcissism does cry. They can feel regret, remorse, and sadness. These emotions, however, don't often have roots in empathy.How a narcissist treats his wife? ›
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.What happens when you threaten a narcissist? ›
It's a better tactic to accept that the narcissist won't change and when you're ready, simply leave. Making threats or pronouncements will only forewarn the narcissist and enable them to make it more difficult for you to get away. Seek immediate help if you're physically threatened or abused.
The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can include depression, anxiety, hypervigilance, a pervasive sense of toxic shame, emotional flashbacks that regress the victim back to the abusive incidents, and overwhelming feelings of helplessness and worthlessness.Do narcissist ever think about how they hurt you? ›
Narcissists do not feel guilty about abusing their loved ones because they convince themselves that whatever they do is justified. Narcissistic defenses are designed to distort reality and protect narcissists from seeing their flaws and mistakes.What hurts a narcissist more than anything? ›
Hurt the ego, hurt the narcissist
Of course, if we're really talking about the worst thing you can do to a narcissist in terms of trying to get a reaction, then it certainly is hurting their ego. If you hurt their ego in any way, they will react hard and fast. You see, narcissists are all about their ego.
But what many people don't realize is that these relationships are also some of the most likely to end in divorce. In fact, research has shown that nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce. So, what's the reason for this high rate of divorce involving this one personality type?When a narcissist realizes they lost you? ›
A tactic that narcissists will often use once they realize that they've lost control over you is self-victimization. When a narcissist victimizes themselves it means that they label themselves as victims and blame their problems on external factors.How does a narcissist destroy a person? ›
Grooming a person, manipulating her into doubting her feelings, generating shame regarding her best qualities, and manipulatively creating dependency are four ways a narcissist destroys a person from the inside out.What to say to a narcissist to shut them down? ›
- 1. “ ...
- “I Can't Control How You Feel About Me” ...
- “I Hear What You're Saying” ...
- “I'm Sorry You Feel That Way” ...
- “Everything Is Okay” ...
- “We Both Have a Right to Our Own Opinions” ...
- “I Can Accept How You Feel” ...
- “I Don't Like How You're Speaking to Me so I Will not Engage”
What is a narcissistic relationship abuse pattern? The four stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle are: Idealization, Devaluation, Repetition, and Discard.What are signs of narcissistic abuse? ›
- Gaslighting. ...
- Emotional & Verbal Abuse. ...
- Projection. ...
- Attempts to Isolate You From Loved Ones. ...
- Threats of Physical Violence. ...
- Constant Criticism & Insults. ...
- Censorship. ...
- Instilling Fear About Their Reactions.